when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
