i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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