tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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