I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize