bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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