I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
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