good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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