I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
