you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
