the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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