oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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