I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
