I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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