Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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