so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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