The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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