we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I have already put on my inside pants.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
