your thong is hanging out like whoa
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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