i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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