your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Holy sore nipples Batman
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
