Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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