Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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