we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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