R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
