Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
