There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
