I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I think my moral compass just broke
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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