new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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