Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
