you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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