just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
