so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You may now shotgun with the bride
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
