Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Randomize
