The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
