he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
