You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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