im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
