why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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