Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
