If i could tip my vagina, i would.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
