If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
