i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
