i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
