I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
