Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
