Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
