hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
