69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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