I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
