i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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