no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
