You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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