So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
do herpes really smell.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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