come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
