What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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