Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
