Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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