woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
