Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
