I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
