Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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