Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
