I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
