I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
vagina is talking i cant
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
