i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Its about making memories worth repressing
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
