I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize