Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize