i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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