We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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